How to talk to someone with depression

First of all, I want to applaud you for your efforts to search, “how to talk to someone with depression”. Mental issues are not just some daily life issues from which you can talk people out, or make them see the bright side of life by thrashing, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" on their fragile souls.

That’s what we are getting wrong. We show our genuine goodwill by saying some of the most inappropriate things. For example, “Life is not always fair”, “I know the feeling, I was depressed too”, “Try some morning Yoga, and all will be fine”......

By saying such stuff we might mean good, but we are 100% negating their feelings. Indirectly showing them that we might not be the correct person for them to share their feelings. So, here are the few things that you need to keep in mind before talking to someone who is battling depression.

Step 1: Show Care

The way cancer is a disease and nobody is to be blamed for it, depression is a mental illness, and nobody should blame themselves for it. The Brain is an organ too. And like the other organs, it can too have ill conditions, disrupting its operation.

This is something that you have to make the concerned person understand. That it is none of their faults, and it is completely natural to feel the way they are feeling. You are there for them to talk and depend. Letting people know in plain words that you understand their current mental state, and are willing to be there for them without any judgment, is of utmost importance. As, not speaking about depression directly to the concerned person, can paint the situation with undesirable perceptions and outcomes.

I mean, you can shower them with all the love and attention (all of a sudden, without talking about depression). But, if you are ducking the issue, you will rob them of the opportunities to ever be outspoken about their feelings to you. Which is a loss-loss situation, even after putting in so much energy. So, address the elephant in the room with simple words, and no hidden meaning. And let them know that you are there.

Step 2: Do not make them uncomfortable

The zone of comfort is very unclear when you are trying to engage with someone who is battling depression. As, everything is new, unknown, and feared on all sides. And then, there are just so many myths and hearsays about depression. I mean, people don’t act sad and not-interested all the time, no matter what movies are showing you.

I’m telling you, nobody has one paint to color the depression with, and make all of us understand. So, you have to read the room and understand. You can have people who might feel more comfortable locking themselves in a room, than talking to you. But, they would very much like to have you call them every day, and share your day without having them speak a word to you.

And you can also have people joking (around)and killing it in front of you all the time while going through depression all along. So, people act differently. And you cannot compare their reactions with others or judge them for reacting differently. You have to open up to learning, to let them showcase their authentic side.

You will have to create a safe zone according to your relationship with them, without burdening them for taking any quick fix for their condition. So, while talking only suggests to them, to seek professional help, and provide a safety net for them to fall on.

Step 3: Do not pin it on yourself to fix

Depression can cause a lot of tension among people if you fail to acknowledge that it is not within your capacity to fix anyone. People might have suffered a lot of agony in hindsight, giving an illusion that someone could do things right for the suffering person. But, unfortunately, we are not solving math equations here. By removing one term from the equation, you cannot derive the desired result.

Your unwavering support matters. But, getting torn down emotionally under the objective to fix someone else for having depression is almost delusional. As one has to work on their own, one has to cultivate their coping mechanism. No one can replace the relationship between the brain and its person. You have to let the due process take its course.

So, while talking to them, never showcase as if it is all on you, and that they just forget about every bad thing or depression, as now you are going to protect them forever. Because that is not how it works. Just help them in finding their feet.

Step 4: Keep Patience

There is no time limit. So, you have to get ready for creating changes in your relationship for a while. When you are mentally prepared for the worst scenarios, you will invent better ways to deal with them. Otherwise, sudden changes in your lifestyle can disrupt or stretch your capabilities too thin.

Mental, physical, and financial bills can increase. So, you have to seek ways to refill your pockets for physical, mental, and financial strengths. For financial matters, you can seek aid. And for mental/physical challenges you can explore social groups, friends, fun activities, gym…….. Whatever suits or makes you feel energized.

So, you cannot give false timelines to the concerned person. As that can make them feel anxious if the progress won’t catch up with your sketched timeline.

Step 5: Have Healthy Boundaries

A superhuman is a practical human. So, you need to know your limits, beforehand. For example, You can be a parent to a clinically depressed child. And you can be all in.

But, that won’t make any difference until you ask your child to attend therapy sessions in comfortable mode, as recommended by the therapist. This is something that you cannot do for them. Similarly, you might have to prioritize your needs above everything else as well. No one can do that for you. In all, dealing with depression will need a marriage to happen between being supportive for others and support-yourself. Every time you will ignore one or the other, the whole system will fall apart.

So, you need to convey the probable role or need you to want the concerned party to fulfill (with utmost care and understanding).

Conclusion

Social connections are intimate therapies that people need to have in their life. Especially when they receive such warmth from their loved ones. So, as you are now more aware than ever, include your awareness in your conversations and gestures.