On The Move

Years and years ago when the civilizations were developing, Patriarchy eve loved on all the deserts, plateau, oasis, jungles and Himalaya of this planet. It rooted so deep that only one gender channelized the heads. Most often the rules for the seems to be deprived from strength humane were suppressing.Luckily the evolution of rules and effect/affect reached to a phase where suppression is falling apart and the unvenerables are getting power. Men and women are not seated in different contours of religion, theater, Warfield, power or money. We are getting somewhere near to the vision of those who advocate equality, who taught men to dance, to cook, to home, to own and woman to fight, to speak, to wear diversity and live boldly.

We are all set to grow, to be more human, to be more beautiful.

But the direct exchange of sexual pleasure between human is still devastated with our perspective to see “SEX” and our “OPPOSITE GENDERS”.

We have included generosity and grace in all the take and give relations/gestures. When you ask someone for something, you are grounded to the giver. Why? Because you were taught to ask with grace and respect the person’s choice to give or not.

BUT!!!

There is a big elephant about the sexual act in our “MANNERS TO LEARN” room.

​

Let’s take a stroll and see from where this elephant is coming?

​

Belief is a big word, running an empire and god. Fraudin (thinker) from 20th century believed in hydraulics theory. Hydraulic theory was very absorbing and convenient. According to this theory, rape never exist. Men don’t force themselves on women, it’s the woman who is seductive and lead the man so mad that he forced his penis into her, in utter insanity caused by the seductive sight of man.Quite simple to understand and on the firm ground of insanity you cannot be held guilty.

​

Then Abrahmsen came and argued that men commit crime under suppression of “seductive, but rejecting mother” and “masculine and competitive wife’s inclination”. Seems to be funded religiously.

Women were growing and were participator, had a voice and were seen uniting and revolutionizing for their rights with the support of men against all odds.

​

                                        During 1970’s feminist Susan saw white raping black and pointed the role of power and suppression played by “rape culture”. She named rape as a mean for men to incline women of their culture and the men of other race and status by raping their women.

                                 Why man rape? Became a big question of the 1975 era. As patriarchy and feminist sides are convincing and dividing society.

​

For the divided society, Psychologist Nicholas Goth reasoned power, sadness and anger as the root for rape. He reasoned man’s brain, his upbringing and the notions of society. His work made, the blame-game weaker and people turned to the science of mind to find reasons and solution.

​

His research made the “sexual deprivation theory” fallout, but with younger researchers it came back. In mid-1980’s psychologists David Lisak and Susan Roth at Duke University in North Carolina, and later by Lisak and Paul Miller at Brown University in Rhode Island conducted a rape interview of the undetected, unreported and unaware rapist to see the society’s evergreen rape culture.

​

In 10 different studies undertaken between 1985 and 1998, between 6 per cent and 14.9 per cent of male college students (who made up the majority of respondents) admitted to rape or attempted rape, and roughly half of this number had done so repeatedly.

​

What such studies discovered about the character of these men was less startling.

​

Q1. Were rapists less empathetic than other men?

A1. yes.

​

Q2. Were rapists more self-centered and manipulative?

A2. To no one’s amazement, yes.

​

Q3. Did rapists have negative attitudes towards women?

A3. Also yes.

​

These were conclusions, lets see direct statements of some rapists recorded by Diana Scully While conducting Understanding Sexual Violence (1990) for the US National Institute of Mental Health helps to measure the men on traits such as hostility toward women, interpersonal violence and ‘compulsive masculinity’.

​

Rapist tried to represent rape as normal; one subject put it as:

​

‘When you take a woman out, woo her, then she says: “No, I’m a nice girl,” you have to use force. All men do this.’ 

​

Another rapist said:

​

‘I knew I was doing wrong. But I also knew most women don’t report rape, and I didn’t think she would either.’ As Scully put it, her subjects saw rape as ‘a rewarding, low-risk act’.

 

Scully concluded that most rapes are the result of a ‘rape culture’ that tells men that, in many situations, raping women is not only normal behavior, but completely safe. The story is till 1990, the horror is still storming the society, but during “April 2013 to July 2014, out of 2753 rapes complains 1464 are found to be false by DCW (Delhi Commission of Women) Which means 1464 men were falsely accused. Those men were cornered, cornered by undue advantage of law by accuser.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

Jemma Beale of UK, falsely accused 15 men in different cases of raping her. Beale, from west London, was even awarded £11,000 in compensation in her first case in 2010. She was such a convincing victim that it took 7 Years of interrogation in different cases to confine her under perjury and preventing the course of justice.

​

So, what this little bit of psychological studies and stats stroll reveals?

 

a. If feminist (extreme phase) is going to be the replacement we are going to crash again. Once again, we will make the other gender section venerable.

​

b. Equality is the only sane replacement to patriarchy.

​

c. How do we see sex? The situation is good. Most of the Millennials do recognize sex as physical need and can detach emotional dependence from partners after nights or hook ups.

​

d. We are in a transition phase, as we have already seen the changing powers. For the adults you must grow up!!

​

For men:

a.Go and ask women about her consent “respectfully”. Do not beat bush.

​

b.Wearing short dresses, drinking with you, talking about sex are not indications for desires of having sex. Just do not depend on indications and their interpretations.

​

c.No matter how much your friend has told you the stories how they made women an emotional fool to lay down. Do not manipulate her with marriage or promotions promise.

​

d.Do not touch a woman appropriately to know if she is in mood. Ask her. Speak man! Speak!

e. Do not shame a victim.

​

f. If someone says “NO”. Let her go. Do not attach NO with your pride.

​

For woman:

a.Its natural for a man to have “only sex” desire. You can have that too. Quite natural.

b.Allow the man to ask. Do not cause a ruckus out of it or shame them.

​

c.Be polite to say “NO”, If his request was polite.

​

d.If you are getting cornered, shout “NO”!!

​

e.Be ready to know that people do not come for help most of the time. Get aware about law. Carry spray and learn martial arts.

​

f.Report, talk and support.

​

g.Do not shame victim.

​

For parent/mentors:

​

a. Teach kids about the five-wrong touches.

b. Teach adolescent boys to ask for consent.

c. Teach adolescent girls, people are going to ask for consent.

d. Teach girls to ask consent.

e. Teach boys to be ready for no and not attaching NO with pride.

Okay instead of leaving it as mere preaching, let me have the honor to introduce you to “NO MEANS NO WORLDWIDE ORGANISATION” who are giving “CONSENT CLASSES” to kids and has seen astonishing 50% decrease in violence against women.

Home www.nomeansnoworldwide.org

Too see a fast intro to the program

ATTN: https://www.facebook.com/attn/videos/vb.160389977329803/1539611199407667/?type=2&theater

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, “Consent Classes” are not dead hypothesis for virtual future, they are for us and are doing great. Let connect the dot and make world a better place to live. Start the consent classes at home.